Archive | February, 2012

Suck It Up, Ladies! Rape Babies Are a “Gift from God”

Consider the rape baby. Like it or not, these entities cannot help but symbolize a rape victim’s ultimate powerlessness – amplifying it, even. Rape babies, through no fault of their own, are living, breathing, eating, shitting, physical manifestations of violation, which often [...]

Danation: Now that Newt’s Out, the Time of the Mexican Mormon Is at Hand

There was a time when this would have been a fun primary to write about. The rise and fall of Michelle Bachmann, laid low by her own stupidity. Then the rise and fall of Rick Perry, laid low by his stupidity and/or hunting camp. Then the rise and fall of Herman Cain, laid low by [...]

Immortal Rites: Florida Death Metal Reigns Eternal

Florida death metal is one of the most important and influential scenes to ever disgrace the heavy metal pantheon. It’s been immortalized to the point that a mere mention to one of the faithful immediately conjures up an image of Morbid Angel pentagrams, Cannibal Corpse album covers, lovingly depicted scenes of depravity and gore, cut-off shorts [...]

Newsmax Makes Its Move

Amid a Republican primary season rich with conflict, one skirmish has been largely overlooked: the battle between conservative news outlets for the rights to kingmaker status. Squarely in the thick of this battle is a cynical, spam-belching, spin-happy website from West Palm Beach called Newsmax [...]

Florida Republicans: You Have My Sympathy (But Not My Vote)

To the Republicans of Florida: I’m writing to discuss with you that sense of foreboding that haunted your polling places on Tuesday; that evil shudder that crawled up your backbone and down your arm, causing your fingers to jag ever so slightly toward the name “Newt Gingrich” before proceeding on their foreordained course to “Mitt [...]

Tool, an Overpriced Exercise in Nostalgia, Coming to BankAtlantic

As someone who’s never counted herself among the seemingly inexplicable legions of Tool fanatics that populate the heavier regions of alternative rock, my knowledge of the band is admittedly nowhere near encyclopedic (or even much more than nonexistent). However, to hear that any rock-based band, whether it be AC/DC or Abazagorath, is demanding prices skywards [...]

Dear Allen, in Which Our Distinguished Congressman Fields Your Questions

Note from the editor: In the tradition of “Congressman’s Corner,” Salty Eggs has invited Rep. Allen West to field questions from his South Florida constituents. Until we get a response to our query, we will do our best to answer questions on his behalf, based on what we know of his temperament and politics [...]

Willie Nelson Comes to Broward Center Tuesday

Whether you know him as a country-music giant, unapologetic lover of weed, public enemy of the Internal Revenue Service, champion of the American farmer, or amiable onscreen persona who’s appeared in everything from The Rockford Files to Beerfest, you can’t deny Willie Nelson’s status as a cultural icon. Nelson’s abilities to distill heartache and loneliness [...]

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