Photo by Official US Navy Imagery via flickr.com/photos

Dear Dave,

Dave, honey, we need to talk. No, it’s not like THAT — calm down, I’m not breaking up with you. We just need to talk about some of your … extracurricular activities. Look, you know I’m proud of you for laying off the drugs and the boozing. You know that. And the born-again über-religious thing … we’ve worked past that, for the most part. I’ve pretended (yes, Dave, pretended — the truth hurts, babe!) to be interested in your last few records. I even got that Vic Rattlehead tattoo on my you-know-where.

But this time? You’ve gone too far. Spouting off your woefully misinformed opinion of Rick Santorum and his Republican cronies, basing your entire justifications for such things on a couple of campaign ads, and your opinion that some guy you just heard about has “some” presidential qualities? Honey, putting your rockstar hijinks and metallic legacy aside, this is simply inexcusable. Remember way back, when you served as an MTV correspondent at the Democratic National Convention? Remember writing songs like “Foreclosure of A Dream,” “Holy Wars,” and the biting social commentary of genre-defining records like Peace Sells … But Who’s Buying and Rust in Peace? Goddamnit, Dave, reread the lyrics to “Peace Sells”! Tell me something, it’s still “We the people,” right?

It’s natural for peoples’ views to change. More life experience, more time to reflect, and changes in lifestyle all contribute to that. But come on. Rick Santorum? Yea, yea, I know you didn’t “endorse” anyone, but let’s be frank. The man is a menace — a fundamentalist crackpot, a homophobe, a woman-hater, and an outright stain upon the face of the American political landscape. The man is a laughingstock amongst the conscious citizens of this bloodied but unbowed land, and if you end up supporting him and his cronies, you will be too. You’re throwing away the respect of so many of your fans (who have already been putting up with a LOT, by the way) in order to heap praise upon the kind of man who, if he became president, may very well be the cause of that nuclear apocalypse you’ve been howling about since the ’80s.

Grab your pillows and that ratty old Metallica bedspread, you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.

couch, Dave Mustaine, endorsement, Foreclosure of a Dream, Holy Wars, Megadeth, Metallica, MTV, Peace Sells, Rick Santorum, Rust in Peace