Dear Allen: You Can Learn a Lot From a Nazi

Rep. Allen West

Note from the editor: In the tradition of “Congressman’s Corner,” Salty Eggs has invited Rep. Allen West to field questions from his South Florida constituents. Until we get a response to our query, we will do our best to answer questions on his behalf, based on what we know of his temperament and politics.

Dear Allen West,

I find that you can judge how hysterical a politician is by the number of times he compares his opponents to Nazis. Let’s look at your file. While campaigning in 2010, you said that congressional efforts to enhance gun control reminded you of Nazi Germany’s 1939 law abolishing private gun ownership, which was problematic because like the Nazis, the U.S. had “a tyrannical government.” During that same campaign, you were irritated by a DNC video crew that was taking video of your campaign appearances, accusing the Democrats of using “Gestapo-type intimidation tactics.” This past December you suggested that Democrats were promoting their party with the gusto of Joseph Goebbels, notorious Nazi propogandist. And last month you called Obama’s meeting with Hamid Karzai a “Chamberlain-Hitler moment.” Am I forgetting any?

S Winslow
Palm Beach Gardens

Dear Ms. Winslow,

Yes, you did. In February, I warned that Iran’s aggression in the Middle East could bring about a second Holocaust. And you should hear the Nazi references that we left on the cutting room floor! During the debate about health-care reform, I wanted to call Obama a “modern day Mengele” but my staff talked me out of it. I make historical references because I know that those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Just as communist policies in the USSR led to an economy of long breadlines, it’s widely known that the over-regulation of banks triggered the current financial crisis. We went from a budget surplus to a record-setting budget deficit during George W. Bush’s presidency, and the obvious historical lesson is to elect more conservative Republicans. The invasion of Iraq turned into a quagmire, and when we invade Iran under President Romney we know what mistakes to avoid. For starters, don’t kick a hero like yours truly out of the U.S. Army.

Loyal and steadfast! Lt. Col. (ret) Allen B West

Dear Allen West,

The Muslim Brotherhood candidate won the Egyptian presidency. Does this mean that Egypt will become a terrorist state? What should we do?

A Pirlo
Fort Lauderdale

Dear Mr. Pirlo,

Don’t be ridiculous. Of course Egypt will become a terrorist state. We should evacuate the U.S. Embassy before they start taking hostages. The Muslim Brotherhood claims it wants to rule a democratic government, but if you believe that, then I have an improvised explosive device to sell you. Freedom is a powerful thing and it must be handled delicately, which is to say it should be handled by Americans and then doled out around the world judiciously. And by judiciously I mean that candidates for president in a Muslim-dominated nation should be judged according to their willingness to serve U.S. interests in the region. Do you think Egypt’s free election would have been allowed to go on if Ronald Reagan’s CIA was still around? Now there was a crew that knew how to install a puppet dictator.

Loyal and steadfast! Lt. Col. (ret) Allen B West

Have a question for the Lt. Col.? Email us at [email protected] or tweet @DearAllenWest.